brittapperry:

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” basically mean the same thing

unless you’re at a funeral

I’m apologize for this…

pizza:

*uses snapchat text bar to cover double chin*

archbishopofturtlebury:

pavlovs-schrodinger:

pavlovs-schrodinger:

when im older and my kid needs me to sign something for school im just gonna write “Dad” in really crappy handwriting so it seems like my kid forged my signature and the teacher calls to tell me and im just “yes no it is i dad”

i posted this when i accidentally took too much medication

screw you guys

My Dad’s initials are actually DAD and he used to pull this shit all the time it was great.

lpd-says-fuck-you:

anorecsya:

i wish my thighs were as small as my self esteem ✿◕‿◕✿

If you have tiny thigh, how will you crush head of man like egg between?

senpai-has-noticed-you:

sometimes i think i’m arrogant but then i remember that julius caesar was kidnapped by cicilian pirates and when they demanded a ransom of 620 kgs of silver he got mad because he thought he was worth more than that and made them raise it to 1550 kg